Dark Shadows - 1 smile

I’m getting tired of the Tim Burton-Johnny Depp collaborations. Their latest, based on the camp-gothic soap opera, Dark Shadows, which ran from 1966-1971, is all silliness in the manner we’ve come to expect from a Tim Burton production. The movie looks great, right down to the 70s lava lamps and troll dolls, but the plot is thin. And, of course, Johnny Depp gets to add another weird character to his menagerie of weirdoes. But there’s inertia amid the weirdness, a been-there-seen-that sort of thing. And as the movie concludes, one character reveals paranormal abilities, which, with no preparation, comes from left field.

Depp plays Barnabas Collins, an 18^th century Englishman whose father brings the family to New England to make their fortune. As a young man, Barnabas has an affair with a household servant, Angelique (Eva Green), who turns out to be a witch. When Barnabas refuses to declare his love for her, she turns him into a vampire and arranges for him to be sealed in a coffin and buried. Fast forward to Maine, 1972. The Collins family, now headed by Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer) and including a live-in alcoholic psychologist (Helena Bonham Carter), has fallen on hard times. And it’s up to Barnabas, whose coffin has been dug up by construction workers, to restore the family’s prosperity. Naturally, Angelique, who is also immortal, is their main business competitor. The plot so far has great possibilities, but it goes nowhere. Barnabas continues his feud with Angelique, Alice Cooper shows up to sing a few songs, trap doors reveal secrets and the whole things ends with a big fire. “Dark Shadows” isn’t funny, mysterious or suspenseful.  5/13/12