“The Lone Ranger,” directed by Gore Verbinski (who also
directed the Pirates of the Caribbean
franchise) and starring Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer, is overly long (2 1/2 hours), mind-numbingly
tedious and downright stupid. And to top it off, the script, written by Ted
Elliott and Terry Rossio and Justin Haythe, has turned the Long Ranger into a
wimpy doofus. If you’re old enough to remember either the radio or TV show,
you’re certainly not the intended audience for this remake, where half the time,
Verbinski has his characters playing everything straight and the other half,
his characters are mugging (especially Depp). Since the film really is all
about Tonto, it should be called “Tonto.”
Almost every moment of Depp’s Tonto is played for laughs,
beginning with the dead crow on his head (which he feeds grain), but the
stone-faced Tonto fails to generate any charm. There’s an unnecessary framing
device of having Tonto recount his exploits decades after the fact, while
posing in a ‘Noble Savage’ exhibit at a circus. As a contrast, Armie Hammer’s
conflicted Lone Ranger is a naïve tenderfoot. Without his mask (which he’s
reluctant to wear), he’s a pacifist eastern lawyer John Reid. He abhors guns
and believes that the Wild West of 1869 is just waiting to be civilized, which
it surely isn’t. Not when there are bad guys running around, like the greedy
railway builder Lathan Cole (Tom Wilkinson) and psychopathic outlaw Butch
Cavendish (William Fichtner). There are even killer rabbits with fangs. Don’t
ask. With “The Lone Ranger,” there’s got to be at least a hundred million
dollars worth of special effects. Probably more. Too bad there wasn’t more
investment in a better script. 7/5/13
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