Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters - 1 smile

January is the usual month for dumping movies that studios have no faith in and “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” is a real stinker that’s been sitting on the shelf at Paramount after a planned opening last March was postponed. And when a special effects action flick clocks in at less than 80 minutes, it’s a sure sign something is wrong. In this misguided movie, the grown-up Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) have gone into the witch-hunting business after surviving their encounter with a witch as children. Armed with anachronistic machine guns, grenades and tasers, the brother and sister turn up in a village where the locals are about to burn a woman they believe is responsible for the disappearance of a number of children. Much to the annoyance of the sheriff (Peter Stormare), they set her free and set out to capture the real culprit, the Great Witch Muriel (Famke Janssen) and her coven before she can finish a spell that will make witches invincible.

Nothing makes a whole lot of sense in this incoherent movie, but the greater sin is having very little story. Writer-director Tommy Wirkola’s philosophy seems to be, When in doubt, stage a fight with a witch and cut off her head, which happens frequently. And he wants us to engage with his tongue-in-cheek dialogue, but it’s not clever enough to be genuinely witty. Renner looks vaguely uncomfortable throughout although Janssen seems to be having fun with her role as a really mean witch. “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” is heavy-handed and pedestrian. Skip it. 1/28/13

The Last Stand - 1 1/2 smiles

“The Last Stand,” a vehicle for an Arnold Schwarzenegger come-back, is okay, not as bad as I was expecting. But not as good either. It has just enough dumb fun, pointless violence and car chases to satisfy most action fans. But Schwarzenegger is looking all of his 65 years and if anything, his acting has gotten worse. He’s no longer the imposing physical specimen he used to be. That’s why his climatic fight scene with the Mexican drug lord, at least 30 years younger than Schwarzenegger, is so hard to believe. Directed by Kim Jee-woon, a popular South Korean filmmaker making his US debut, “The Last Stand” allows Schwarzenegger and company to have some laughs before the heavy action begins, with police cars flying through the air in fiery crashes, high-speed pursuits down highways and through corn fields and Schwarzenegger blasting his way through an army of henchmen.

Ray Owens (Schwarzenegger) is sheriff of Summerton Junction, a town so small that his bored deputies are out at Lewis Dinkum’s (Johnny Knoxsville) place, shooting at slabs of meat. But when a notorious Mexican drug cartel king (Eduardo Noriega) escapes from federal custody and aims his Corvette ZR1 straight for the border and straight through Summerton Junction, Sheriff Ray decides that he isn’t going to let him get through. So he rounds up his bumbling deputies (Luis Guzman, Zach Gilford, Jaimie Alexander) and pulls out vintage weaponry (Dinkum is a firearms freak). Let the fireworks begin. “The Last Stand” probably won’t be Schwarzenegger’s last movie. Too bad. He’s beyond his ‘use by’ date. 1/21/13

Parker - 2 1/2 smiles

Jason Statham is good as the coldly no-nonsense thief who has his own set of ethics. The main problem with “Parker,” directed by Taylor Hackford, is Jennifer Lopez’s struggling real estate agent. There’s no reason for her to be in the story so she becomes a distraction, both to Parker and to us. But she ends up being in over half of the movie. Based on a character created by Donald E. Westlake, Parker is a professional thief with four new partners on a heist of the Ohio State fair. All goes mostly according to plan until it comes to splitting the take, when the other crooks decide it’s easier to shoot Parker than pay him. Their big mistake is not making sure he’s dead. Because now Parker has four targets and he is not going to stop until he has gotten every one of them.

Statham makes a believable lethal killing machine, which accurately describes Parker. And Hackford gives him some quality actors to play off, including Nick Nolte as Parker’s mentor who points him to the first score and Michael Chiklis and Clifton Collins Jr. as two of the low-lifes he eventually chases to Palm Beach. And Hackford keeps things moving quickly enough that you don’t worry about some of the plot holes although by movie’s end Parker is so beaten up you wonder how he’s going to get the bad guys. Not to worry. Statham is one of the few believable action stars that you know he’ll get the job done. 1/25/13

Amour - 1 smile

“Amour” will probably win the foreign language Oscar. And I can’t deny that this movie is well acted and well directed. Nonetheless, I didn’t like it and it’s all for personal reasons. When you’re ‘of a certain age,’ it’s difficult watching a movie that presents a possible window into the future. This movie is bleak and bitter, full of decline, incapacity, depression and death. And writer-director Michael Haneke takes great pains not to instill any rays of hope. Essentially he’s saying: You get old, you get sick and when your life has lost all quality, you might be lucky enough to die.

Two of the world’s best actors, Jean-Louis Trintignant and Emmanuelle Riva, play an octogenarian couple, Georges, a retired musician and Anne, a former piano teacher. The movie is shot almost entirely in the couple’s Paris apartment, the pair’s solitude broken only by rare visits from their daughter Eva (Isabelle Huppert) and Anne’s former student Alexandra (Alexandra Tharaud) and the concierge and his wife, who bring them groceries. Anne suffers a debilitating stroke and Georges is helpless to prevent her decline although he takes care of her with diligence and tenderness. Dying by degrees is a sad and humbling experience for Georges as well as the Anne. If you think that “Amour” is a sweet story of two gentle old folks holding hands as they face the final curtain, it’s not. The ironically titled movie is a pitiless story and while I can admire its craft, I’m disturbed by its vision. Subtitles. 1/2/13

Broken City - 1 smile

Too bad “Broken City,” starring Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe, is so awful. It has a solid cast, but the plot is overly complicated and the directing heavy-handed. Few, if any, of the characters are believable and the twists the story takes are telegraphed well beforehand. Wahlberg plays Billy Taggart, a boozy New York cop who takes the law into his own hands and gets away with murder. (There was a trial, or I think there was a trial, but he’s not convicted.) And he’s quietly booted off the force by Police Commissioner Fairbanks (Jeffrey Wright), but not before meeting slimy Mayor Hostetler (Crowe). You know the mayor is crooked instantly because of his aura of menace, awful haircut and fake tan. Seven years later, Billy has cleaned up his act and is working as a PI. His relationship with his actress girlfriend Natalie (Natalie Martinez) includes a subplot that goes nowhere. The mayor offers Taggart $50,000 to spy on his wife (a wasted Catherine Zeta-Jones) because he says she’s cheating on him. Along the way there’s predictable bantering between Taggart and his young assistant (Alona Tai), dull clashes between the mayor and his idealistic challenger, councilman Jack Valliant (Barry Pepper). Also key to the story are a real estate developer and top campaign contributor (Griffin Dunne) and Valliant’s campaign manager (Kyle Chandler).

The dialogue is often clichéd and director Allen Hughes includes too many unlikely scenarios and far-fetched coincidences for this movie to work. For instance, at the very moment Taggart arrives at a company he suspects of corruption, he sees workers throwing trash bags of evidence into a garbage bin. And what’s with Russell Crowe’s haircut? It’s distracting every time he’s on screen and although he makes for a good villain, you know that from the start so there’s no character development there. We’re meant to root for Taggart, but after he falls of the wagon and behaves like a fool, it’s hard to really care if he’s double-crossed and framed. Wahlberg was far more intense in The Fighter, but that movie had a better script than “Broken City.” 1/18/13

Quartet - 3 smiles

If you want to see a serious movie about the ravages of old age, see “Amour.” But if you are looking for something a little more light-hearted, then “Quartet,” directed by Dustin Hoffman, is for you. It involves old regrets, second chances, and late-in-life romance and is set in a home for retired musicians in the English countryside. Beecham House is thrown into an uproar with the arrival of Jean Horton (Maggie Smith), who was once a great diva of the operatic stage and retains both her pride and vanity. Jean’s arrival has come amidst preparation for a musical benefit that will bring much-needed funds for Beecham House’s coffers. Three former members of an operatic quartet, somber Reginald (Tom Courtenay), randy Wilf (Billy Connolly) and dotty Cissy (Pauline Collins), are thrilled at the prospect of performing Verdi’s Rigoletto again, but Jean is haunted by her former stardom and is terrified that she will embarrass herself so she remains the lone holdout. Jean must also resolve her relationship issues with Reg, who was her husband for a short period of time.

And in the background are performances by an entire roster of British performing-arts veterans. Michael Gambon, once the star of Dennis Potter’s groundbreaking miniseries The Singing Detective, has an amusing turn as Beecham House’s resident impresario, with a lightening-quick temper and a ridiculous dressing gown. Gwyneth Jones, a real-life Welsh soprano and top-level opera star, plays Jean’s rival, who sings Puccini’s ‘Vissi’d’arte’ from Tosca at the benefit. “Quartet” also includes former music-hall performers, orchestral violinists and pianists and one-time Sinatra sidemen. There is no sense of tragedy about this film or its people, only a determination to face the final curtain with head held high. As director, Dustin Hoffman has created an enjoyable movie, even if the character development is a little thin. “Quartet” makes sweet music. 12/30/12

Promised Land - 2 smiles

Before the obviously manipulative ending, “Promised Land” presents some interesting issues about how corporations operate and the battle between economic realities and environmental concerns. Fracking, a process in which subterranean natural gas is released by the pulverization of shale, not only provides an abundant supply of natural gas, but can also be a financial boon to those who lease their land (often farms) to the gas companies. There are, however, environmental concerns with the possible contamination of water sources and the rendering of soil as unsuitable for planting. Ultimately, what’s interesting about this movie is the strategies employed by corporations to win over the hearts and minds of the small-town people and how far they will go to get what they want. And although Matt Damon and John Kraskinski’s script does attempt to address the real-world issue of whether the undeniable economic benefits of fracking outweigh the potential ecological issues, the overly sentimental ending seems a little too pat.

“Promised Land” follows the efforts of two Global Gas field operatives, Steve Butler (Matt Damon) and Sue Thomason (Frances McDormand), to secure leases on the properties in a rural community that has been identified as having significant shale deposits underground. The duo arrives with promises of good money in times of economic hardship. The initial reaction to Steve and Sue is positive although that changes when local science teacher, Frank Yates (Hal Holbrook), speaks out against fracking at a local community meeting. Then environmental activist Dustin Noble (John Krasinski) arrives and charms the locals, including Alice (Rosemary DeWitt), a woman whose casual flirtation has caught Steve’s attention. The bulk of the movie follows the moves and counter moves by Steve and Dustin to win over a majority of the town before an all-important vote on fracking. Matt Damon gives a nice, low-key performance although he comes across as too naïve and fumbling to match the ‘wonder boy’ reputation he is introduced as having. “Promised Land” obviously had good intentions, but by the time it’s over, you have to say that it just doesn’t work. 12/30/12

Gangster Squad - 1 1/2 smiles

If you’ve seen “The Untouchables,” you’ve seen “Gangster Squad.” Unfortunately for director Ruben Fleischer, his movie fails in comparison even though he has a lush 1940s production design, beautiful period costumes and a cast of gifted actors. The setting is 1949 Los Angeles where the City of Angels has become a criminal empire ruled by Mickey Cohen (a heavily made-up Sean Penn), a flamboyant former featherweight boxer-turned-Jewish-Mafioso from Brooklyn. Cohen has put much of the LAPD and the city’s judiciary on his payroll as he prepares to corner the West Coast market on bookmaking and heroin. Police Chief William Parker (a gravelly-voiced Nick Nolte) tasks Sgt. John O’Mara (Josh Brolin), a straight-arrow detective and World War II veteran, to recruit a small squad to wage war on Cohen’s various enterprises while ignoring such legal niceties as search and arrest warrants. His men include an expert in illegal wiretaps (Giovanni Ribisi), a retired sure-shot (Robert Patrick), a black beat cop (Anthony Mackie) and Latino rookie (Michael Pena). The most important, and reluctant addition to the squad is Sgt. Jerry Woolers (Ryan Gosling), a smug, nattily dressed, skirt-chasing detective with military experience whose latest conquest is Cohen’s mistress, Grace Faraday (Emma Stone).

Fleischer ignores plot points (such as cops investigating a shot-up home fail to notice a survivor cowering in the bathtub) in favor of lots of over-the-top shoot-em-ups between Cohen’s men and the squad. Plus it appears that he gave Penn explicit orders to portray Cohen as larger-than-life. How else can you explain Penn’s excessive over acting?  “Gangster Squad” is okay while you’re watching it, but it’s hard to take it seriously. 1/13/13

Parental Guidance - 3 smiles

“Parental Guidance,” starring Billy Crystal and Bette Midler, is an engaging comedy that bridges multiple generations. If there’s a problem, it’s that there’s just too much of Crystal and his shtick. Most of the humor comes from the distances between the generations, especially when it comes to all things wired (e.g., tweeting, facebooking) and it’s certainly not a Grandfather Knows Best kind of story. In fact, Billy Crystal’s grandfather fumbles and bumbles his way through and director Andy Frickman takes care to show that wisdom can just as easily flow from the grandkids up as from the grandparents down. Performances are definitely not subtle: Crystal delivers his mile-a-minute patter, Midler her wisecracks, and Marisa Tomei, as their daughter, is appropriately frazzled.

Artie and Diane (Crystal and Midler) are a Fresno, California couple, whose only child, Alice (Tomei), has married Phil (Tom Everett Scott), lives in Atlanta and has three children. The oldest, Harper (Bailee Madison) is a high-strung overachiever. Turner (Joshua Rush) has a stutter and Barker (Kyle Harrison Breitkopf), the baby, has an intrusive, imaginary kangaroo friend. When Alice reluctantly asks her parents to watch the kids for a week, Diane is thrilled. Artie, the sports announcer for the Fresno Grizzlies, neither wants to play grandpa nor be called it. It’s clear from the tension between father and daughter that there are some unresolved issues. Based on the number of laughing children in the audience when I saw it, “Parental Guidance” is a family-friendly movie. And if you’re a grandparent, you’ll love it, too. 1/6/13

25 Movies To See Before Oscar Night

According to Entertainment Weekly magazine, these are the 25 movies you need to see before Oscar night.

1. Lincoln

2. Les Misérables

3. Zero Dark Thirty

4. Argo

5. Silver Linings Playbook

6. Life of Pi

7. Amour

8. Flight

9. The Impossible

10. Rust and Bone

11. The Master

12. Moonrise Kingdom

13. Beasts of the Southern Wild

14. Django Unchained

15. The Sessions

16. Anna Karenina

17. Wreck-It Ralph

18. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

19. The Dark Knight Rises

20. Looper

21. How to Survive the Plague (documentary)

22. Middle of Nowhere

23. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

24. Compliance

25. Frankenweenie

The Impossible - 3 smiles

The harrowing film “The Impossible,” based on a book about the experiences of a Spanish family vacationing in Thailand, is portrayed from a Western perspective. And while this point of view does not diminish its dramatic impact, it does leave you with the feeling that there are equally moving stories about local lives. The scale of the catastrophe and the massive illusion needed by director Juan Antonio Bayona to portray the tsunami, which claimed more than 200,000 lives, gives the movie a realistic intensity and makes you glad that you were nowhere near it.  It’s also a portrait of compassion as the central characters take physical and emotional journeys in their efforts to reunite. However visually stunning the movie is, it also doesn’t mind being emotionally manipulative as various family members miss one another by inches.

Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor are Maria and Henry, Brits living in Japan with their kids and spending Christmas in tropical Thailand at a beach resort. Then, on Dec. 26, the resort is inundated by huge roiling tidal waves as giant trees topple and cars and trucks bob about like toys. Maria and Henry are separated, she with their oldest boy, Lucas (a remarkable Tom Holland) and Henry with the younger brothers (Samuel Joslin and Oaklee Pendergast). The first half of the movie follows Maria and Lucas as Maria at first doesn’t realize the extent of her injuries, but you see the fear on Lucas’s face. The second half tracks Henry and the younger boys as they search for the rest of their family. At the heart of Sergio Sanchez’s script is the power of family – the tenacity of a mother and father to first survive and then search for one another. Watts is superb, managing both the physical and emotional demands of her role. Nonetheless, when “The Impossible” is over, you’ll be grateful to just walk away. 10/31/12

Les Misérables - 3 1/2 smiles

“Les Misérables,” directed by last year’s Oscar winning director Tom Hooper, is hampered by Russell Crowe’s rather stiff Javert, with his strained voice and pinched expressions. And as comic relief, a little of Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter go a long way. Fortunately, Hugh Jackman is potent in the lead role of Jean Valjean, imprisoned for almost 20 years for stealing a loaf of bread. It is by far Jackman’s finest screen performance. But the showstopper is Anne Hathaway, who’s tremendous as Fantine. And Hooper is able to establish an emotional response using frequent close ups and requiring his actors to sing live on set, rather than dubbing later. The result is a collection of astounding voices. Eddie Redmayne’s singing ability is a pleasant surprise as the idealistic rebel Marius, who falls in love with Fantine’s daughter Cosette (Amanda Seyfried). And Samantha Barks’ Eponine is heartbreaking when she sings ‘On My Own.’

The story, which spans 1815 to the French rebellion of 1832, deals with love, idealism and sacrifice. Valjean is released from slave labor and inspired to turn his life around after a priest treats him with kindness and dignity. He becomes a successful businessman and mayor, but the relentless Javert is hot on his trail for violating parole. Valjean is deeply moved by Fantine, who worked in his factory, but loses her job and is forced to sell her hair, teeth and body. Filled with regret, Valjean promises to care for her young daughter Cosette. Valjean learns the power of selfless love by brining up Cosette and the young girl is given a life of privilege. But all the while, Javert lurks. Although the movie clocks in at 2 ½ hours, it’s surprisingly well paced. The costumes and sets are gorgeous, but “Les Misérables ” is successful because of its superlative musical performances.