“Ted’s” overly long 104 minutes, which include a kidnapping,
a car chase, a segment to Tiffany’s ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’ video and a Norah
Jones concert, operate on the premise that the audience likes to watch a
pot-smoking, foul-mouthed teddy bear. Unfortunately, if you’ve seen a Seth
Rogan, Jonah Hill or Jason Segel movie, “Ted” is déjà vu all over again, except
with a furry stuffed animal. This is a one-joke movie and it gets tiresome
after a while. Mila Kunis is wasted although she and star Mark Wahlberg have
effective chemistry and Giovanni Ribisi is down right creepy as the potential
teddy bear-napper.
The movie begins in 1985 when lonely eight-year-old John
Bennett wishes that his Christmas teddy bear could speak. A montage during the
opening credits highlights three decades of their inseparable bond, including
Ted’s celebration of his 20 minutes of fame on the Johnny Carson Show and the
grown up John (Wahlberg) dating Lori (Kunis). John can barely get to his
rental-car job on time and seems content to drift. Lori, however, demands that
Ted move out of their shared Boston apartment so John will finally grow up. Ted
and John might be separated, but Ted knows which buttons to push to get John to
break a date with Lori with the promise of snorting coke with Sam Jones, Flash
Gordon himself. When the high point of “Ted” is Wahlberg rattling off
‘white-trash girls’ names,’ you know you’re in trouble. 7/8/12
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