Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - 1 1/2 smiles

Unfortunately, “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” is going to do blockbuster business at the box office despite an extremely weak plot. People familiar with this franchise don’t really expect a good story. They’re satisfied with a costumed Johnny Depp, a few bad guys, gratuitous special effects and some action sequences. And that’s exactly what you get. It’s as if the producers believe that more spectacle you have, the less you need a coherent narrative. Basically, ‘On Stranger Tides’ is a treasure hunt. Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) is looking for the Fountain of Youth, accompanied by an old flame, Angelica (Penelope Cruz) and her father, Blackbeard (Ian McShane). There are two other groups involved in the race for the prize: a small army of Spaniards and an English privateer captained by Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). Along the way, Captain Jack discovers that he must also collect two chalices and the tear of a mermaid.

Johnny Depp can probably play this role in his sleep and, sometimes, it seems that’s just what he’s doing. Gone from the story are Elizabeth Swann (Kiera Knightley) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and in their place is a weak romance between a missionary and a mermaid. Kiera Knightley’s energy and spunk are sorely missed. Rob Marshall’s direction is competent and, obviously, competent is all that is required. Finally, I urge you to forget about the 3D version. The extra fees associated with 3D only pander to the money-grubbing studios and their bottom line. The 2D version is brighter, clearer and … well, cheaper. As a movie, “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” is pretty awful unless you want to put your mind in neutral and not think for 2 hours and 15 minutes. But if that's the case, it’s a success. 5/21/11