Like Someone in Love - 1 smile

After reading a brief summary of “Like Someone in Love,” I thought it would be an interesting movie to see. Boy, was I wrong. I am completely bewildered by this movie, which seems to be a fairly straightforward story: A Japanese college student (Rin Takanashi) who moonlights as an escort (without her boyfriend’s knowledge) spends a platonic night with an elderly professor (Tadashi Okuno). The next day, the professor drives her to an exam, discusses the pros and cons of marriage with her boyfriend (Ryo Kase) (who mistakenly assumes he’s her grandfather) and attempts to rescue her when the boyfriend discovers what’s actually going on.

I don’t understand what director Abbas Kiarostami is trying to say. It’s not a character study, as each of the three main characters is defined by a few shallow descriptions. And the narrative consists of dispassionate conversations that are mainly filler, pointlessly repetitious and going nowhere. And there’s the startling conclusion that seems totally out of proportion to the lazy meandering of the story that precedes it. When a movie ends, you’re not supposed to say, ‘huh?’ “Like Someone in Love” is bizarre and thoroughly perplexing. What did I miss? Subtitles. 2/26/13

Side Effects - 2 smiles

For the first hour, “Side Effects” is a gripping thriller, providing a chilling indictment of the nation’s pharmaceutical industry. Then it changes directions and becomes more of a standard crime procedural. The result is disappointing, especially since the double and triple crosses work better on paper and strain credibility. The movie begins as a damning critique of a society hooked on pills and fast fixes. Rooney Mara plays Emily Taylor, a beautiful woman whose life in New York City is turned upside down when her handsome young husband, Martin (Channing Tatum), is imprisoned for four years for insider trading. When we meet Emily, she is having trouble coping with having her husband home again and she attempts suicide. As she recovers in the hospital, she meets sympathetic psychiatrist Jonathan Banks (Jude Law), who prescribes Abilixa, a hot new anti-depressant that promises in its ads that users can ‘take back tomorrow.’  However, for Emily, things just get darker and darker as she begins sleepwalking. We also see how quickly a good doctor is willing to add prescription after prescription to get Emily feeling better. More over, he’s happy to take cash from a pharmaceutical firm that offers him as much as $50,000 to prescribe experimental drugs for patients who are willing to sign on as guinea pigs. This issue is real and the film’s pivotal scene has Emily involved in a disturbingly violent episode. Soon, though, we learn more about Emily’s beautiful former psychiatrist Dr. Victoria Siebert (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and we discover that lust and greed, not prescription drugs, maybe at the heart of the nightmare.

The performances are strong. Mara, in particular, stands out as a woman whose perfect life becomes a sudden hell. She oozes vulnerability, especially when seeking help from a medical industry that long ago decided that pill popping is the quickest (and easiest) way to patient improvement. Law, too, is terrific as a doctor caught between making a living and helping his patients. But  the last half of the movie becomes more of a whodunit with a plot so convoluted that it’s hard to follow. Some might see the twists in “Side Effects” as clever. For me, director Stephen Soderbergh didn’t play fair. I felt cheated. 2/13/13

Beautiful Creatures - 1 1/2 smiles

“Beautiful Creatures,” an adaptation of a young adult novel, exists because of the success of the Twilight novels/movies. The characters spend more time explaining the story than acting it out, which means there’s a problem with the script. Writer/director Richard LaGravenese mixes some whimsy, a little Gothic horror, and a touch of fantasy with varying success. But the main problem is, this movie is boring although Jeremy Irons and Emma Thompson seem to have fun overacting.

Newcomers Alden Ehrenreich and Alice Englert play Ethan Wate and Lena Duchannes, who turns out to be a ‘caster,’ another name for a witch. Her uncle Macon (Irons) discourages their romance, for on Lena’s 16^th birthday, she may turn evil, especially if she loves a mortal. Lena’s mother, Serafine (Thompson), however, seems to revel in her nastiness.  Ehrenreich plays Ethan too wide-eyed and goofy. Englert (daughter of director Jane Campion) is better, but she doesn’t have much screen presence. “Beautiful Creatures” hopes to take up where Twilight ended, with the other three books in the series. You have to hope that if there’s another, it will be more interesting.  2/15/13

A Good Day to Die Hard - 2 1/2 smiles

Bruce Willis’s latest, “A Good Day to Die Hard,” is more engaging than Schwarznegger or Stallone’s latest attempts to re-enter the action hero scene. With his shaved head and tattered white T-shirt, there’s reason to see John McCain save the world again and re-unite with his estranged son. Director John Moore relies too much on crashing as many cars as he can, shaky cam shots and ADD editing. What really matters are the personal dynamics between John and his son. Willis and Jai Courtney make a believable fractious father and son as well as sarcastic adversaries forced by circumstances to work together. They’re also funny as they humorously bond amid flying bullets, squealing tires and chattered glass. What’s really hard to believe is everything they go through and manage to come out relatively unscathed. But I’m sure that was a notable element of the other Die Hard movies, too.

John, a retired cop, shows up in Russia uninvited to rescue his son Jack, who’s trying to protect a Russian whistleblower Yuri Komarov (Sebastian Koch) from the lethal vengeance of corrupt politician Chagarin (Sergei Kolesnikov). John is barely off the plane before he’s stealing cars and causing a lot of damage to Moscow’s streets. He’s also trying to reconnect with a son he now regrets ignoring for most of the past 25 years. Jack, however, isn’t buying the contrition; all he wants is for John to go home. The story gets increasingly complicated with a hidden file of incriminating information, Komarov’s sexy daughter and a trip to nuke-ravaged Chernobyl.  “A Good Day to Die Hard” is a fun, action-packed ride. 2/14/13

Identity Theft - 1 smile

The worst thing about “Identity Theft” is the film’s cavalier attitude toward identity theft. If you have to look for a message by the time this overly long movie ends, it’s we should show kindness to these criminals despite their wrongdoings because their deprived upbringing excuses their behavior. Yeah, right. I can’t abide stupid and Craig Mazin’s script stands two ordinarily enjoyable comics in the middle of nowhere with only stupid things to say and do. And the events that happen are full of implausible contrivances.

What victim of identity theft would travel from Denver to Florida to bring the culprit back to Denver to face justice?  Yet that’s what Sandy Patterson (Justin Bateman) does and once he finds Diana (Melissa McCarthy), the implausibilities begin. Bateman’s character is written as a mild everyman and a straight man for McCarthy, which he does well. McCarthy is a fearless physical comedian, but too often she’s hampered by lame, repetitive gags. Her character’s habit of punching people in the throat isn’t terribly funny the first time. Watching the trailer will tell you everything you need to know about this movie. 2/11/13

Stand Up Guys - 1 smile

You should be able to enjoy any movie that claims Al Pacino, Christopher Walken and Alan Arkin as its stars. Unfortunately, that’s not true for “Stand Up Guys.” For much of the time, the guys seem to be wandering around, trying to figure out what to do. And the problem is with first-time feature writer Noah Haidle’s script, which has a solid premise, but no actual story. The movie is basically two friends wasting time until morning comes. A lot of it is silliness. And there’s never a point when any of the actions or characters seem real.

Doc (Walken) picks up his best friend Val (Pacino) outside the prison where Val has just spent more than a quarter of a century. In between Val haphazardly snorting drugs and romancing prostitutes, the truth comes out. A mob boss wants Val dead by morning and Doc has been assigned to do it. While in the hospital for a drug overdoes, Val meets a nurse (Julianna Marguiles) who’s the daughter of their old wheel man Hirsch (Arkin). So they spring Hirsch from a retirement home and go joy riding. “Stand Up Guys” should have gone straight to cable.  2/1/13

Bullet to the Head - 1 smile

Well, Sylvester Stallone looks better than Arnold Schwarzenegger and his acting (if you can call it that) is better. And the final fight scene (against a much younger villain) is a bit more believable. Just a bit. But Schwarzenegger’s movie, ‘The Last Stand’ doesn’t take itself that seriously and Stallone’s “Bullet to the Head,” reminiscent of his 80s hard action flicks, is dead serious. Stallone plays the unfortunately named Jimmy Bobo, a New Orleans-based assassin for hire finishing up a hit on an ex-cop when his partner (Jon Seda) is killed in a double cross. Bobo looks for the reason why alongside a D.C. detective, Taylor Kwon (Sung Kang), following leads of his own. Their search unearths a weasel (Christian Slater) buying congressional votes, a crook (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) with big real estate plans, a thug (Jason Momoa) and lots of crooked New Orleans cops. When Bobo and Kwon team up, lots of bullets end up in a lot of heads. The body count is high.

There’s also a recurring motif of the huge amount of info Kang is able to call up from his mobile phone, some stupid racial jokes and the final showdown between Sly and Momoa fighting each other with axes. Axes! Well, that’s different. The movie for the most part, however, seems to be a holdover from days gone by. It isn’t retro and it isn’t good. 2/2/13

Warm Bodies - 3 smiles

“Warm Bodies” is the first romantic zombie comedy, told from the viewpoint of the zombie. And it’s a pleasure to watch. It takes the boy-meets-girl framework and gives it an inventive twist that covers all of the typical movie scenarios of young love amid chaos and disaster. There are many clever lines and bits of physical comedy and it helps that the main character’s interior monologue, a deadpan account of life as a zombie, wins you over from the start. There are a lot of pop-culture references from a make-up scene with ‘Pretty Woman’ playing in the background to a balcony moment reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet. The joy of the movie results from the stars’ performances. Palmer is a reminder of Kristen Stewart (but far more likable) and Hoult exhibits a lot of offbeat charisma as the inexpressive zombie R.

R (Hoult) has slid far enough from humanity that he can’t remember his name, what he did or how he dies, but he still hazily recalls some of the finer joys of life. He spends most of his days lumbering around an airport with the rest of the undead, trying to avoid the vicious, skeletal Boneys (zombies who have surrendered any trace of humanity and are solely interested in eating anything with a beating heart). After he encounters survivalist Julie (Teresa Palmer), and it’s love at first sight, he eats Julie’s boyfriend's brains. But he saves her by smearing her with blood to mask her human scent and spirits her away to his lair in an abandoned airplane. Falling in love has a humanizing effect on R, which has bigger ramifications on the rest of the zombie population. But complications ensue – boy loses girl, remember? Her father (John Malkovich) is the self-appointed general of a militia trying to exterminate the zombies. “Warm Bodies” has a warm sense of humor and it doesn’t take itself too seriously, which makes it a delightful way to spend an afternoon. 2/1/13